I continue to muse and resist the urge to respond impulsively… I continue to choose to put some space between my feelings and my actions. And unusually, I try to accept the safety of the space. Following the incident that I blogged about in my previous post- I have been considering ‘expectations’. Have I found myself in this situation because I did not live up to the expectations that the other person had of me? Most probably yes. Were those expectations fair? Justifiable? Realistic? Warranted? I’m not so sure. Regardless, I haven’t met their expectations- and that has hurt this other person and it hurts me. It hurts me that I can’t be what someone else wanted and/or needed me to be. It hurts me because it has hurt an-other- but I resist the urge to self-blame, I chose not to listen to the inner recriminations…
Another relationship that is also in the process of being re-framed, is my one with God. Bottom line, I have responded in a similar manner to my friend. God has not met my expectations and I’ve had a hissy-fit… After 20 years of trying to get Him to fit into my box- I’m finally realising that He won’t do that- my box just isn’t big enough for Him. How wonderful. Having been on the receiving end of someone trying to box me and showing displeasure at my behaviour… I can see more clearly that someone can’t be what they can’t be… they can’t do what they can’t do… I am made in God’s image- He is not made in mine.
Maybe my expectations need to change? I don’t have to lower them… but maybe I do need to consider for whose benefit I have them.
Thanks for listening.