I can’t put it off any longer… The time has come… Procrastination no more… Avoidance be gone… Courage arise! Anyone would think I was talking about climbing Mount Everest or something equally virtuous… No, alas, I am talking about losing weight… My own personal very mini Mount Everest.
DBT skills I need you!!!! I have written affirming statements and I will paste in significant places…
“I’ve done it before- I will do it again.”
My BMI is classified as overweight. I think i have been heavier before but partly complicated by some health issues I am in the biggest clothes size that I’ve ever been (size 20) and that is horrendous for me. The reality is, I can vaguely cope with the status quo but I know that if I carry on I will just get bigger and bigger.
“I am worth looking after my body”
My body is struggling at the moment … Some things are not in my control- but some things are. I abuse my body terribly- I want to stop.
“You are in a better place than last time you did it.”
I am now far more confident with cooking. I have organised my kitchen better and I am generally in a less chaotic place so organising my diet should be easier than last time.
The voices of doom sayers- it’s much harder to lose it second time around… It’s harder to lose weight as you get older… It’s harder to lost weight in the colder months…
My biggest fear I think is that I don’t feel as motivated for it as I did let time. Normally, once I’ve made a decision to do something I can be quite focused to do it- and at times can be quite dogged in determination… This time- I’m don’t feel as up for the cause as previously- but that will grow- and until it does- I will have to pull deeper on my inner reserves.
I do slimming world as I have and can be paralysed sometimes with the fear of being hungry. Withholding myself or having food withheld from me has been part of my history. In depressive episodes it is common for me to literally not have any edible (in date) food in my house. Whereas I also know that sometimes I can be ugly in my greed. I am very aware that there is an emotional link with the physical manifestation of my eating habits. I am trying to deal with those issues.
Slimming world enables me to snack in certain foods freely throughout the day. That feels more safe. Some days I feel like i need caffeine and sugar rushes to get through. I need to change my mind set- I don’t need those things… I just choose to think I do. There are healthier alternatives.
I need to face the long term consequences and behaviour patterns. When I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, on the day I reached my target weight I celebrated with a McDonald’s! Losing the weight is just the first part of it. Maintaining it is the essential step I missed from last time.
I haven’t got a target weight as such… I would love to take a smaller clothes size- but my goal is to feel better… And last time I lost weight I felt physically so much better. It is tricky because I am limited in some foods I can eat due to physical conditions- but I have to work around them. Last time I was brutal on not having any treats- slimming world does give an allowance for less healthy foods- I will need to partake of them and possibly lose weight slower- but I think the process can be slightly more pleasant.
I am loving baking at the moment. I can continue doing this- but will just have to give the products away… Which is fine by me.
So today, as I wait for the TESCO delivery man to bring me my supplies. I commit to my new eating behaviour. My plan is to go for it, for the next 2 months – this takes me to half term and my potential trip to Moscow… For those who know me… Please help! For those who don’t… Be thankful you won’t have to deal with me but I am grateful that I can be accountable to you.
The delivery has now arrived. First batch of slimming world spaghetti bolognaise will soon be filling my freezer.
Thanks for listening.