Bit of a blow

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Changing Faces have been in touch with Penelope my DBT therapist. They are withdrawing the offer of sessions for me. They think I was too distressed on Monday. They asked Penelope to tell me that was the end.

I am devastated.

Currently, I’m in emotion mind and I hope with time this will soften. But today I can’t stop the tears flowing as I feel:

Once again I have been rejected because of my face

I told Maria things on Monday that I have never told anyone- and to have been so vulnerable to someone who I believed was qualified to work with me, is excruciating. I am so ashamed at myself that I allowed myself to be so naive and vulnerable.

I am mortified that the practitioner spoke to her manager about it and the manager has decided to withdraw the service

I am inconsolable that someone couldn’t manage my distress and that once again I was rejected for being ‘too difficult’

I took 20 years to have the courage to make contact with the organisation- and if their service wasn’t able to ‘cope’ with me, they should have said so at Assessment not after i had started a therapeutic process.

It makes me feel hopeless that the country’s specialist’s in facial disfigurement feel they cannot ‘manage’ me.

I feel in pieces. I just hope more good than harm can come out of this event as it doesn’t feel like it now.

Maybe tomorrow I will be more in wise mind about it all. Maybe tomorrow it won’t hurt as much. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to see it is more about them and the limitations of their service than me. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to pick myself up off the floor again and keep going. Maybe tomorrow it won’t be so raw. I hope so.

Thanks for listening.

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