During the Easter holidays I spent some time with a friend, Anthea, looking at my nutrition and diet. (I’ll post about that at another time). One of the helpful things she shared with me was the ‘Whole Health Cairn’. Dr Lissa Rankin discusses it in her book ‘Mind over Medicine’ and most of us would be familiar with this type of holistic approach to health and healing.
I have been working hard on many of these areas, and like everyone else there is always room for improvement. In a recent session with Penelope we began to discuss the sexuality area of the cairn. The session was filled with much laughter as Penelope observed that my sexuality at best scored 0% if not minus! I thought that was a little harsh (!) but most probably accurate.
But what is sexuality! Obviously I know it is not just about the act of sex. So I know what it is not, but not what it is. (Questionable sentence construction Hepzibah!) What on earth does it mean to have a healthy sense of sexuality? Is it ok to have that? Why do I need it? Do I need it? What is it? How do I get it? and what do I do with it? Lots of questions and as of this moment very few answers.
I think I know the theory of being happy to be a woman, being comfortable in my skin etc… but I can’t really relate to any of it. In my more committed evangelical Christian days I spent years of my life trying to work out and develop being a ‘Woman of God’. I longed to embrace the uniqueness of being a woman, nurturing the feminine in me, but I never quite managed it! I would literally pour over the bible and bible commentaries on being a woman and long for that ‘gentle and quiet spirit’ that the bible describes as ‘unfading beauty’. I always failed! And even more than that I was unable to accept God’s grace that he offered me in those perceived ‘failings’.
So lots of questions, few answers, but a desire to develop. Most of you will have guessed by now, I am a practical kind of girl. I like to think and process but I also like to do. So I’ve joined a burlesque dance group. (i’m not stripping yet). I am dancing with a group of ladies in corsets, stocking, high heels and feather boas. (I was in leggings and a t-shirt). Talk about being out of my comfort zone! But I am going to enjoy being with other women in a medium that is totally about celebrating my body, warts and all. It’s good fun.
thanks for listening.