Monthly Archives: August 2014

MoE ii

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My practice of mindfulness of emotions continues! I did not sleep very well, my sleep was disturbed by dreams of stabbings and murder (unsurprisingly based on my news yesterday). Sleep (an integral part of DBT) plays a significant factor in my resilience and emotional health. Lack of sleep is definitely one of my biggest triggers and weak points. (Good to know)

Last week I had been dog sitting for the most gorgeous schnoodle dog called Dezzie. I have loved having Dezzie. He has been cuddly, friendly, affectionate and generally fairly low maintenance. Because he is so small he has been transportable and because he is so well behaved I have not been stressed by his potentials actions with other dogs and people.

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My own previous dog was quite a challenge to me and to be honest in many ways he didn’t actually do me a lot of good. Dezzie has brought me joy and companionship this week. I did find leaving him very difficult- my own issues with separation anxiety were definitely triggered but being with him has been really lovely.

Tonight he went home 😦

I miss him and I feel sad. I knew I had an opportunity to practice being mindful of these emotions and one of the things I had been reading about last night was very helpful. When I feel an emotion (usually a negative one) I allow the emotion to ‘mean something’ or i attach a judgement to the emotion. For example, I am sad because I am alone. I am alone because I am not loved… It is not ok to be alone on a Saturday evening, it symbolises that no one wants to be with me etc… Andrea Fell talks about not rehearsing an emotion or allowing yourself to retell the story behind the emotion.

Mindfulness of emotion means experiencing the emotion in the present moment. Focus on the physical sensation of the emotion. Recognise and acknowledge it’s presence but let it go in its own time. Don’t hang on to it. Don’t keep rehearsing the reason for it.

I miss Dezzie. Nothing more, nothing less. I have had his company for the last week and I have enjoyed his company. He is not with me any longer. I experience that loss and work hard to not let that emotion mean something it doesn’t mean.

I realise that my understanding of this is quite shaky at the moment and it is a new way of me experiencing emotions but I like the potential of easing my suffering! So I will definitely need to continue practicing it!

Thanks for listening.

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Mindfulness of Emotions

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Thank you for the kind comments and texts about my toes… The pain has subsidised, the bruising is multi-coloured and I am hoping to get it strapped up so I don’t hurt it or catch the nail that is hanging off 😦

In my sessions with Penelope we have been discussing ‘feeling’ my feelings. The DBT term is being mindful of emotions. Allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling- not drowning in them, not ignoring them but accepting them without any judgement. I find this hard. My default is to ignore/ push away out of fear of being consumed by them. But I don’t want to always push it away… As I struggle with physical pain at the moment once again I am challenged about the relationship between emotional/ mental stuff and physical pain… Historically, my grief/ emotional struggles have manifested in being physically ill… I want that to change. So I have to change.

Today I heard some awful news. Two of my ex-pupils who I taught for about 7 years have been convicted of murder (a horrible high profile case- absolutely tragic). I knew them and their families very closely over a period of 12 years. I am trying to be mindful of my emotions. I’m struggling not to drown in despair … It’s quite a big thing to have to practice on and to be honest I’m not entirely sure how to do it. I plan to do some reading up on this skill after this post- I need help! I do want to change but some times I wish I didn’t have so many opportunities to practice.

But I acknowledge that I feel so so sad. Sad for the victims’ family… Sad for the pointless waste of life… Sad for the people who had to witness such violence… Sad that I didn’t make more of a difference in their lives… Sad that awful things happen and that people choose to inflict such pain on others… Sad.

Thanks for listening.