Thank you for the kind comments and texts about my toes… The pain has subsidised, the bruising is multi-coloured and I am hoping to get it strapped up so I don’t hurt it or catch the nail that is hanging off 😦
In my sessions with Penelope we have been discussing ‘feeling’ my feelings. The DBT term is being mindful of emotions. Allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling- not drowning in them, not ignoring them but accepting them without any judgement. I find this hard. My default is to ignore/ push away out of fear of being consumed by them. But I don’t want to always push it away… As I struggle with physical pain at the moment once again I am challenged about the relationship between emotional/ mental stuff and physical pain… Historically, my grief/ emotional struggles have manifested in being physically ill… I want that to change. So I have to change.
Today I heard some awful news. Two of my ex-pupils who I taught for about 7 years have been convicted of murder (a horrible high profile case- absolutely tragic). I knew them and their families very closely over a period of 12 years. I am trying to be mindful of my emotions. I’m struggling not to drown in despair … It’s quite a big thing to have to practice on and to be honest I’m not entirely sure how to do it. I plan to do some reading up on this skill after this post- I need help! I do want to change but some times I wish I didn’t have so many opportunities to practice.
But I acknowledge that I feel so so sad. Sad for the victims’ family… Sad for the pointless waste of life… Sad for the people who had to witness such violence… Sad that I didn’t make more of a difference in their lives… Sad that awful things happen and that people choose to inflict such pain on others… Sad.
Thanks for listening.