Monthly Archives: September 2014

School

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In February I became a Joint Director of a Limited Company.

This company has purchased an independent preparatory school. This school has 81 precious children in it.

Since September I have been the Executive Head Teacher of this school. My school.

I have a school.

Thanks for listening.

Kitchen

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I have a new kitchen.

I ordered it last Christmas and it was installed at Easter. Lots of people do not know I have a new kitchen. I have been avoiding having people round my house because of my lovely new kitchen.

I painfully confessed to three friends about it in May as it affected them as I had made a mistake with my budget.

I have a new kitchen. It is a gift. I am trying to enjoy it and in the last two months I have had small glimpses of enjoying it.

It is beautiful. I am blessed.

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Thanks for listening.

A ring

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I have bought myself a ring.

I didn’t need a ring, I wasn’t even looking to buy a ring.

But I have bought myself a ring. I bought it because I put it on and felt like a princess. I liked feeling like a Princess. I bought myself the ring and I love it.

Thanks for listening.

The next few posts- my homework

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My DBT homework is specifically to blog about specific things as agreed with Penelope. This doesn’t happen very often but often in my sessions we talk about the things I haven’t blogged about and the reasons why. Interestingly, shame is often at the root of my absence. It is also noteworthy for me that the shame has some recurring themes to it… Anything that involves prioritising myself or something nice happening to me seems to elicit in me a temptation to hide. To hide the facts but also to hide myself.

I also acknowledge the need to justify myself and my actions- to others and to myself.

The next 3 posts are vulnerable for me. Don’t panic they are nothing sordid or socially unacceptable- but they are about being trying to treat myself well- and that is hugely challenging for me. Which is why I’ve been set the tasks. I am going to attempt not to justify or explain, I will just report. Eek… Very scary!

Here goes! …

Thanks for listening.

A lovely thing

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I didn’t particularly want to leave the caravan this afternoon, but the lovely thing was that I was happy to be coming home as well. Some times when I’ve been away for a weekend, I have literally cried at the thought of going back home but today I was fine. In fact I’m excited about this upcoming week. Next weekend I hope to come back to the caravan, but whether I do or don’t I’m ok- and that is a lovely thing. 

Thanks for listening.

Being Alive

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The reason Rodney and Alice are prepared to rent their caravan to me is that they are sun-adorers and have never used the caravan in the Autumn/ Winter at all. They can’t think of anything worse… I on the other hand can’t think of anything better!

I love it when the sun is out, but I do not like being in the sun. (In Bulgaria, I am covered head to toe and sit in the shade all day long- I think I was paler when I left there as to when I arrived- I hadn’t topped up my fake tan!)

Wind and rain have a soothing effect on me. I have been known to go and sit in my car in the rain as I love the sound of rain on a car. I have also done that in my log cabin and as I write, the rain is pouring down on my caravan and I LOVE IT! The sound of the rain lashing down but me being safe inside has a cathartic effect on me. The doors and windows are open – outside is wet- I am dry. (unlike camping which I do not like when it is raining!)

I also love a ferocious wind. Walking along by the sea with the wind blowing and the sea choppy is a treat. Because I feel alive. Many, many times- thankfully decreasing all the time, I have just existed and sometimes I just feel ‘dead’. Nothing can seem to break through. But the wind and rain have always been able to penetrate that feeling, and I am grateful for that.

So Autumn/ Winter on an Easterly Island is absolutely fine by me. I need to make sure I have a set of suitable clothing at the caravan… but I will be ok. It will be lovely to be here when the sun is out, but it will be equally lovely to be hear when it is not. I am ok.

Thanks for listening.