What do I want now?

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I have blogged previously about how difficult I used to find it trying to work out what I really wanted… what I liked, what I disliked… which things motivated me, which things sucked me dry. For many many years I wouldn’t have been able to answer those questions. But now, over a period of time I can see how these things are developing all the time.

I am clearer about what I like to eat (fish, chicken fajitas and chinese take away) and what I do not like to eat (lettuce, peaches and black bean sauce!) I am far clearer on the types of clothes I like (colourful, shocking when appropriate and well-fitted) and those I don’t like (boring, too girly and baggy or tight!) I am also getting clearer about what type of things energise me and those that drain me. I’m not always very good at adhering to what I know, but my sense of self is definitely growing all the time.

Surprisingly, it is over the ‘bigger’ things in life that I am more clear on. I know that one of my main goals is to do my part in managing my physical and mental well-being. Diet, exercise and time for my mind are non-negotiable.

I’m clearer on my professional goals and business ambitions. I’m all at sea about relationships (Rome wasn’t built in a day!) But I am definitely seeing the woods for the trees far more than I ever have done. That is a great feeling.

However, knowing what I want or need ‘in the moment’ or day to day proves far more challenging. Sometimes I literally cannot work out whether I want a cup of tea or sleep or to go for a walk or eat or read… I battle with wanting to do everything and wanting to do nothing but feeling I should do everything! (That may not make sense to anyone else but I know exactly what I mean!)

Like most other people, I struggle with the shoulds, and the should not’s, the oughts and the better had… I want to grow in the moment by moment living. Not always clock watching or following the agenda of others, but rather having a sense of my own needs and wants. I think I’m better than I have been, but there really is a long way to go!

Thanks for listening.

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