What does it look like?


Florence left me with the question, what does doing life differently look like?

At the risk of overwhelming us all with the thoughts of life and the universe- my current challenge is how can this Christmas holiday be different for me? I have 3 weeks a head of me, that can either be like previous years- pretty miserable- or perhaps they can be a bit different.

So, if in the sentiment of the last post, it is me that has to change what does that look like?

Well of course- I don’t entirely know! I only know what I’ve done previously!!!! So I have to think/ act/ be in a different way.

The first thing I reflected with Florence was the need for me to connect with others. Christmas in particular, I can easily isolate myself because of the fantasy that ‘everyone is busy with their family’. Well, some people will be. But not all. I have to be brave enough to contemplate that even if they are, that doesn’t mean I am therefore excluded.

I remembered 2 Christmases ago saying to friend how lonely I had felt over the holidays. It was good to be able to say it- but what is the point of reflecting on it afterwards- why not try and do something about it while I’m in it! I know some of friends find it frustrating when they learn after the event that I have been physically unwell- if they know at the time, they can support me.

I agreed with Florence that I would text her/ someone while in the middle of a crisis- not just afterwards. I happily agreed to this, as I was feeling absolutely fine!!!! I was buoyed by my eyes being ok, I had a lovely morning pottering in my home, tidying up- I was not going to feel bad at all therefore I wouldn’t have to admit to anyone I was struggling!!!!!

Unfortunately a few short hours later, this was not the case! I found myself sitting in a cafe by myself with tears rolling down my cheeks. Time to take the risk and do it differently. I text. I wasn’t able to speak. But I communicated to someone else in that moment that I was not ok. And strangely, my reality being known at that point was very helpful. My friend couldn’t do anything about it, I didn’t need her to either- but I was known.

I then also needed to get proactive. In DBT speak- was this a situation that I needed to change or radically accept? I felt I could change the circumstances- or at least try to. I text two friends and asked whether I could see them later. I knew I was risking that maybe they would say no- but I at least had to try. Fortunately for me, they said yes! But if it had been no, I would needed to have dug deeper and done it even more differently. Thankfully I was spared that challenge at that moment.

Strategy 1: text someone in the moment- not after the situation has eased.

If anyone wants to share any of their strategies for whatever situation they are in, I would love to hear them.

Thanks for listening.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s