Going with it… 

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It has been about a month since my last post. I’ve meant to blog- but that moment hasn’t easily arisen. It is now school holidays and slowly space is emerging. It has been a pretty horrible start to the new year. Challenging, tricky and I’m feeling like I’ve made a pretty shit job of it all. 

I don’t even have a nice packaged post to write with thought through metaphors and nuggets of truth. I have so much to say but no words to say it… Yet. 

I have not managed myself very well at all. And currently I’m paying the price for that. My emotion regulation skills have been non-existent, my distress tolerance skills fairly dysfunctional and I’ve forgotten what it means to be mindful. I have had some interpersonal effectiveness success this term which has given me some respite in all the chaos. 

Now I find myself in France with friends, extremely tired and know that I need to attend to Operation Rescue. And unusually for me I’m not entirely sure what the rescue looks like. I came away with all my normal tools- crafts, books and journals- but I’m too tired to focus at the moment. Before leaving on Friday my dear friend encouraged me to trust myself and follow my leading for each day. Historically, I would have been unable to work out what I needed on a moment by moment basis so I would compensate by being super organised and every moment planned for. Now, as I know myself far more than ever, I need to try a different way. The way of going with it. 

The past two days I have slept lots. As soon as I start reading my kindle my eyes get heavy and I fall asleep. I had hoped to be out running round the lake- actually I can hardly walk up the stairs so my best chance of running is to follow what my body is saying. I don’t like it. I wanted a really ‘productive’ holiday- but maybe my productiveness will lie in not being productive at all. Gosh, that’s a challenge. 

I’m not sure if blogging will be part of the process. Quite a lot of the rubbish this term is not fit for pubic consumption- so I don’t know. But I do find comfort in knowing that I can write, the page doesn’t judge and I can feel a little more known in the midst of the aloneness. That is very special. 

Thanks for listening. 

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One response »

  1. Thank you for your blog. I have found that the past few months have been extremely difficult for a lot of people. I really feel that sometimes there is a consciousness that holds people in that place. The trick is to find a way out and forward. There is always a way forward, even if the forward may feel sideways for a while. I think it is also a good idea to celebrate achievements that have occurred throughout this term – there have been many more than we can all imagine – but they can sometimes get blurred by the “rubbish” as you put. It is getting to the part where sometimes we need to give permission that rubbish can be OK … its all a learning curve and will in the long term only aid whatever our journeys are! Rest, regroup, Regurgitate and Respect oneself!! I’, certainly going to try xo

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