My brother, George, passed away in December. He was 49.
The day before he died, I was able to have the chat about dying with him. We will all know that conversation is not one of the most pleasant.
Through tears, I said to George, “if love could keep you alive, you would live for ever.” He replied, “I know”. And in that moment, I knew with clarity, he did know. He really knew he was loved. He was totally secure in our love for him. At the time, I remember thinking, wow, he really knows this. I also remember thinking, I don’t.
I can’t seem to believe anyone or feel love from others. I do have people say they love me. I do. I remain surprised when people agree to having me around. When people arrange to see me, I always think, I wonder why they are doing that. But the love doesn’t penetrate. I can’t seem to connect with those words. And it makes me very lonely.
Thankfully George did and could. I hope that one day, so will I. It will make life a lot more pleasant.
Thanks for listening.