Sometimes life is just weird! Plan weird!
Yesterday, I did pretty ok at staying on track. By the end of the day I was really upset- doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have done it… but on the whole facing things is more upsetting than ignoring things in the short term.
I spent some of the day reading “Reinvent Your Life” textbook again. I’ve blogged about it before and I can’t recommend it enough to those who are interested in schema therapy. I was focussing quite a bit on the sections on maternal deprivation and abandonment issues.
Then lo and behold my elderly neighbour next door, June, had a funny turn and was taken off to hospital.
I have blogged before about how difficult I find her at times. She has Alzheimers and Dementia and in some ways is the most stressful part of my life currently. She can be quite demanding of me and I find it incredibly hard to hold my boundaries with her. She is very critical of me and I am never quite good enough for her.
But last night when she was in hospital, I was bereft at not having her next door. I was proper upset. As I write now, the emptiness next door is massive. I know I should feel a bit of relief at the respite but I don’t. I think because of my thinking/ reflecting yesterday I’ve become a bit over-sensitive to female figures in my life again… and as ridiculous as it seems I am feeing really lost without her.
She may or may not return home. I am not party to those arrangements for her. Part of me really doesn’t want her to come back, as I don’t think it is the best place for her, but part of me is now also thinking, what am I going to do without her?
oh the irony…