My learning continues. George and Mildred continue to be my teachers.
I love them. They bring me lots of joy. But new feelings have been emerging for me, which have taken me by surprise.
I am experiencing something like a healthy attachment- I think?? A quite alien concept for me! The pups are attached to me. They know who I am. When they are frightened they come to me. Sometimes they don’t want to sit with others- they want to sit with me. When we go walking off lead, they stay close to me. I’m not really used to that. My previous dog- had no sense of loyalty/ attachment at all!!!! He would happily go with anyone or anywhere (which at the time was quite a relief I must admit!)
But I’m now on holiday for 3 and a half weeks, without the pups. And its different. I miss them. I never missed Dukie in that sense- usually I was so relieved at the respite…but I was tormented with separation anxiety and guilt at leaving him. I am not anxious about the pups well-being or feeling guilty- but I am missing them. And I think that’s normal- but new for me!
I have a responsibility to these pups. They need me to do certain things for them. Others can do that quite easily- but just perhaps, the pups would like me to do it for them. That’s amazing.
I’m feeling the pain of the attachment, but that’s ok because I am also experiencing the joy of the attachment when I am with them. I’m beginning to see that pain and joy sometimes go hand in hand. As I emotionally thaw, I’m beginning to let myself feel, the good, the bad and the ugly. And just perhaps that’s a little of what it means to be human.
I can’t wait to see George and Mildred, but I’m also ok with the fact that that is still over 2 weeks away. I can do this. Part of being attached is being separate I think. One day at a time.
Thanks for listening.