Most of you will know that I am single and without children.
I don’t feel necessarily broody. It’s just the way life has turned out.
As you can imagine, most of my friends are not single and have children (some quite a lot!)
Two days ago, my last ‘childless’ couple, Brad and Angelina, took 2 children in to their care. Wonderful- but it’s the End of an Era to me. Please hear me- I’m delighted for them and jealous of course, but the issue for me is that when people say, when one door closes another one opens… I seem to have lots closing but not many new one opening!
I love all my children’s friends dearly- I really do. But the presence of children changes the dynamics. I’m grieving for my last set of friends whom I could text and say fancy lunch.. or an impromptu thing… I know it doesn’t mean we won’t ever do those things again, but it will be different. And I think to ignore that on my part is a bit naive. I know they will involve me as much as I want to be involved. I know the children will be ok with me being around… but I’m still feeling sad about losing my buddies in childlessness!
This morning while walking the pups, I was thinking about the automatic thoughts and feelings this has arisen in me and as I blog, I want to try and challenge them!
- everyone else seems to move on in life… I don’t
- you will be even more alone than you were before
- other people can have families, you cant
- you wouldn’t be able to manage even if you got one
- they will be too busy for the business and for you
Actually, I’m really crying as I type!
Because those automatic thoughts feel like the truth to me. And this is where I always get with CBT. I identify the thoughts, but then can never challenge them because I believe them! Shit. This isn’t going to plan. I hoped that I would be able to challenge each point and end this piece of writing feeling totally different. Shit- not going to happen.
BUT, it will have to happen. It might take me longer than the 10 mins needed to write this blog, but it has to happen. If not, I am going to continue to be very miserable indeed. So time to sign off, need to get the CBT text books out and get to work on these thoughts before I get too overwhelmed with sadness…. gosh, hadn’t fully appreciated how sad I was feeling about it. Thank you blogging for the gift.
Thanks for listening.