disgust and decisions


January has been a very busy month at work. After pay day, I decided to go and treat myself to a new dress as I had two parties the first weekend of February. I didn’t ‘need’ a new dress- but I wanted one and I wanted to treat myself.

I took myself off to the shops with money in the wallet ready to spend. It was a disaster! I limited the number of shops I was going to visit down to 3. I couldn’t quite face trawling through every dress shop in Westfields… I didn’t make it past shop 1!

I looked absolutely hideous in every-thing! Changing room lights and mirrors are quite revealing for us all, but the 360 degree view of my body was vomit inducing. I left with money still in wallet and feeling a lot worse than when I started!

Unknown.jpegBut I’ve been in the place before. I will always come back to where this blog first started. If I carry on doing what I’m doing, I will get what I always get. I can choose to change. I can make better decisions.

Unknown.pngThis is coupled with feeling physically completely rotten. This has also been coupled with a sugar-free new devotee in one of my colleagues. So events have conspired to get me to this place again. Refined sugar has to go. I’m a week in to no chocolate, sugar, cakes and biscuits or fizzy drinks. I can’t quite face the hidden sugars yet- but this has to be better than nothing.

I’ve been here before and I choose not to feel bad about that, it’s ok- I’m back where I need to be. At least I’ve come back to this place after falling off the wagon so to speak instead of continuing in the self-destructive spiral. And maybe this cycle will continue… but for the moment, I am choosing to control my food instead of food controlling me.

Huge test this morning my neighbour brought me in 2 bakewell tarts (I love bakewell tarts)…I have resisted. I will resist. I will change.

Thanks for listening






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