I have blogged about the facial disfigurement I was born with (sorry, sometimes I know I bang on about it). Of all the issues I have been looking at over the years- the one where I feel I have made least progress is in the way I look.
Sometimes change is so slow it is negligible. I would much prefer the wake up one morning and everything is different- but sadly, that doesn’t really happen that often. But every now and again I find myself doing or saying something that I’m not sure I would have done previously. This is one of the reasons I love blogging- it helps me see the successes and process the challenges.
In the summer I decided to go naked.
I have always HATED the fact that because of my skull not fusing properly I have this thick clump of hair that no matter what I do with it always congregates in the middle of my forehead. I really find it repulsive. (Sorry, wish I could say that was hyperbole but actually I really find it stomach turning).
In the Summer while in Bulgaria, I decided to cut my fringe off. Instead of trying to hide my forehead and it looking worse in the process, with my sisters encouragement, I decided to embrace it and go naked. And do you know what… only ONE PERSON has noticed and I love it!
Daniel, has spoken to me about it. He noticed something different and was very encouraging about it. But no one else has said anything and that is really positive for me. Because that includes the public. It hasn’t made it worse and to be honest, I found the clump of hair so much more upsetting then the scars so its win win, I don’t have the clump and no one mentions the dent!
I AM LOVING THE NAKED LOOK.
But it doesn’t stop there… I have suffered with an eye condition for 24 years now and as a consequence the iris in my eye is now permanently damaged and it means that my eye lets in more light than usual. This is really painful and its not just sun that hurts its general day light. Reactor-light lenses do not go dark enough for me so I have been wearing prescription sunglasses virtually non-stop until 2 weeks ago- when I lost them 😦 It is a faff having to swap continually between glasses and sunglasses but its the only way I have been able to manage the pain in my eyes.
But now for the first time ever, I am considering contact lenses. Instead of trying to hide my wide-set eyes with thick and sometimes outrageous glasses- can I go naked? No mask. Just my face. I don’t know. I’m not sure if I would be able to go outside without my glasses. But the situation needs looking at as I need new prescription glasses- so is now the time?
On Friday evening, I spent some time looking in the mirror. (Penelope has been trying to get me to do this for the last 4 years but I’ve never been able to manage it. (I can actually get ready without looking in a mirror at all.) But on Friday, I sat and looked. Without glasses (obviously everything looks blurred without my glasses) but I could see my face and I just wondered without the glasses whether I might be better doing the fringe attitude. Fronting it out. Doing the opposite to what I want to do- instead of hiding- embracing. Its something I am going to explore.
In reality I am not sure whether I can wear contacts etc… but I’m definitely going to explore. I may just find it totally liberating – like my lack of fringe!!!!
Thanks for listening.